The Golden Gate

The Borowitz Report is always good for a well balanced laugh:

ROVE, SATAN PLOT G.O.P. FALL STRATEGY

White House Advisor, Prince of Darkness Resume Longtime Collaboration

At a joint press conference today in Washington, White House advisor Karl Rove said that he would be plotting the Republican Party’s fall election strategy with his longtime comrade-in-arms, Satan.

The Prince of Darkness, wearing his traditional red horns and cape and carrying a smoldering pitchfork, appeared to beam as Mr. Rove, his protégé, talked about how much he was looking forward to working with him on the fall campaign.

“Every time Satan and I get together, good things happen,” Mr. Rove said, adding, “Or should I say - bad things happen!”

The two of them then dissolved in laughter, demonstrating an easy collegiality that has made them an unbeatable team in past G.O.P. campaigns.

Satan’s partnership with Mr. Rove goes back to 1994, when the two of them teamed up to orchestrate George W. Bush’s first election as Governor.

But their work together reached its apogee, perhaps, during the 2004 presidential election, in which Mr. Rove and Satan devised the infernal “Swift Boat Veterans for Truth” campaign.

While Satan let Mr. Rove have most of the spotlight in the hour-long press conference, he did take the microphone to say that he had been “relieved” recently when the White House advisor was cleared of all charges in the CIA leak investigation.

“I can’t imagine running a Republican campaign without my buddy here,” he said, giving Mr. Rove a bear hug.  “There are plenty of Satans out there, but there’s only one Karl Rove.”

Elsewhere, Dan Rather retired from CBS after 44 years there but said that he would remain active in news and misinformation.

All emphasis mine.

Go see him.

Heh.

Well, Al Gore’s PowerPoint Slideshow/Movie is opening today, and it got a glowing review in the San Francisco Chronicle.

The following is more “food for thought” on the subjects addressed by Gore’s film:

Instapundit — “SO I GUESS KYOTO WORKED, THEN: “Consider the simple fact, drawn from the official temperature records of the Climate Research Unit at the University of East Anglia, that for the years 1998-2005 global average temperature did not increase.” (from the Telegraph, UK)

“UPDATE: Canada is abandoning Kyoto. Just when it was starting to work!”

On the “Inconvenient” Movie itself:

From _Slate_:

“…This raises the troubling fault of An Inconvenient Truth: its carelessness about moral argument. Gore says accumulation of greenhouse gases “is a moral issue, it is deeply unethical.” Wouldn’t deprivation also be unethical? Some fossil fuel use is maddening waste; most has raised living standards. The era of fossil energy must now give way to an era of clean energy. But the last century’s headlong consumption of oil, coal, and gas has raised living standards throughout the world; driven malnourishment to an all-time low, according to the latest U.N. estimates; doubled global life expectancy; pushed most rates of disease into decline; and made possible Gore’s airline seat and MacBook, which he doesn’t seem to find unethical. The former vice president clicks up a viewgraph showing the human population has grown more during his lifetime than in all previous history combined. He looks at the viewgraph with aversion, as if embarrassed by humanity’s proliferation. Population growth is a fantastic achievement—though one that engenders problems we must fix, including inequality and greenhouse gases. Gore wants to have it that the greener-than-thou crowd is saintly, while the producers of cars, power, food, fiber, roads, and roofs are appalling. That is, he posits a simplified good versus a simplified evil. Just like a movie!”

“The Moral Flaws of Al Gore’s _An Inconvenient Truth_”

Brief “Inconvenient” responses (video):

(60 second spot questioning the science behind Gore’s film):

“Glaciers”

“Captain Planet”

“If you don’t fly commercial, don’t talk to me about greenhouse gases or conservation.” (Instapundit, again)
A comprehensive and humorous look at “Inconvenient” that (among other things) questions the moral congruence of Gore promoting “Inconvenient” by flying all over the country in his private Gulfstream jet (which on a single one-way LA-DC trip burns as much fuel as a Hummer does in a year). Also looks at some of the recent Hollywood Celeb “Environmental Ads” featuring Cameron Diaz, Gwyneth Paltrow and others…

Video Here.

More writings:

A second look at Climate Change data in the WSJ.

Finally, here is Michael Crichton who posits that Environmentalism is our modern, western fundamentalist religion.

Heh:

The Washington State initiative process began in 1907 as a means to protect the working poor from capitalist exploitation, and labor unions from unfair competition. But in recent years, a few unscrupulous con artists have perverted the system for their own selfish interests. Under the guise of “democracy”, right-wing demagogues such as Tim Eyman have used the initiative process as a tool to limit or reduce taxes, cruelly forcing our elected representatives to actually adhere to a strict budget. Weaving a constant web of deceipt, Eyman employs slick marketing campaigns and bright, sparkly objects to hypnotize innocent Washingtonians into believing they’d be happier if they were allowed to keep more of their income, when we all know that the exact opposite is true.

You see, the American people are basically children – naive, impressionable children. It’s up to us grown-ups to protect them from evil conservatives who want fill their tiny brains with a lot of crazy ideas, such as getting something in return for their tax money besides clever new ways to take even more of it. Training these spoiled brats to become contributing members of a “community” rather than selfish individualists is a tough job and we get little gratitude in return. We help ourselves to a few measly pennies out of their precious piggy banks and give them fantastic sports stadiums and magic choo-choo trains to nowhere in return, but they’ll still turn right around and stab us in the liver for a cheap tank of gas. Well, I’ve had enough! Do you hear me? ENOUGH![...]

Ah yes. Liberal Larry represents the shrill left better than they do themselves. How does he do it?

Frank J over at IMAO has a unique take on this incident. Here is a small sample:

As soon as I heard that Cheney shot a man in the face, my immediate reaction was, “This is why I voted for Bush.” I’ve had my doubts about President Bush at times, but, as this incident unfolded, it’s reminded me of everything that’s great about his administration.

You will want to read the rest of this very funny piece on your own.

Hubris has joined the fray. You remember Hubris. Now, Hubris is not back, he’s just posting now and then. And this now and then is a doozy:

Dick Cheney Goes On Accidental Seven-State Shooting Spree.

Just go read it. And see the pic of the VP’s vehicle in action.
And welcome not back, Hubris. Glad you’re not back, but just posting from time to time. Or not…err, ummm, yeah.

Oh–and Hubie, you owe me a fucking Keyboard. That shit was so funny I spit up on mine.

Oops. 

That had to hurt a bit. Glad he’s okay. And since he’s okay, LET THE HUMOR BEGIN!
The Corner already has a couple of zingers:

Since the 78-year-old lawyer is in ok shape: Three jokes to be on the look out for, off the top of my head:

• Since wholesale Social Security reform failed, Cheney is taking a retail approach.

• Afterwards, Cheney said two words: “tort reform.”

• Clearly, this is further proof that the administration needs to work harder providing adequate body armor.

And, Three of the Top Ten Things He Said Afterwards:

• “I thought it was Pat Leahy.”

• “Let’s have no more talk about independent counsels.”

• “Pull!…Oh, that was the last lawyer?”

Heh.

Hat tip: Silent Running

Well, the Steelers got one for the thumb. I’ve got a soft spot in my heart for that guy Cower. Not sure why. Regardless…I was hoping the Seahawks would win.

But far more importantly…The Ads!

Here are the ads I favored of those available via DevLIB:

AmeriQuest Mortgage [.mov]

Budweiser [mp4]

CareerBuilder  [mp4]

Bud Amber [mp4]

Sprint [mp4]

Budweiser  [mp4]

…and atrocities that have a Bush family member at their source.

Oh man.

The Banterist, who is always good for a rich belly laugh, has posted his “Obligatory 2005 Retrospective”. As you can imagine, it is full of greatest hits. Be sure to check it out.

My favorite is “To the Person Who Found My Camera”. Here is a sample:

As you may have noticed, the Casio Exilim is a 2.0 Megapixel beauty with a 4X digital zoom. At under a half-inch thick, it’s the perfect camera to put in your pocket and lose while dining out.

No doubt, you’re wondering why the memory card contains 17 close-ups of a cat’s ass.

I will explain, but first I’d like to make it perfectly clear that I am not attracted to cats, nor do I have any kind of collection of cat derrieres. I have no political or artistic statement to make. I am not trying to turn a tawdry collection of feline bungs into a grant from the National Endowment for the Arts. All my cat relationships have been platonic and I did not in any way derive pleasure from having said photos in my possession.

I’m sure the discovery of 17 close-up shots of a cat’s ass were surprising for you, to say the least. Possibly unnerving. Maybe they were wholly upsetting. Honestly, I’m not sure how I would react either. I can only hope you discovered the shots after you finished the delicious spinach dip - Houston’s signature item. If you did not, you have my apologies as well as my camera.

Regardless of the shot capacity of a 256-Megabyte memory card you’ve no doubt been asking yourself, and anyone in your proximity, why someone would ever be carrying 17 shots of a cat’s ass on his or her person. Indeed, that’s 17 cat ass shots too many…

Do yourself a favor and read the rest on your own.

Hubris demonstrates his analytical and systemic prowess over at INDC Journal in this post on blogging.

Some of you may have noticed that most [all?] TypePad blogs were down this weekend for some period of time. Then they were back up, but the posts were only showing through December 10th. Then they were back up and current, but the images were “to be restored this weekend”.

That means that Wuzzadem and Hubris and The Marmot and Dennis the Peasant were all down…just to name a few.

Well, Wuzzadem has written an open letter to the wonderful TypePad gods. It is…well…hysterical.

Here is a taste:

How have you been? Haven’t see you around much lately.

Just wanted to write brief note to say thanks, but somehow cliche expressions like “Thanks for everything” could never adequately convey my deep sense of gratitude, so I want to go over a few of the things you’ve done for me lately and thank you for each of them individually.

First of all, thanks for giving me a break from posting to my blog, or for that matter reading any other TypePad blogs for the last 16 hours or so. I needed a break from posting, and eliminating TypePad blogs from my reading choices allowed me to focus on all the great non-TypePad blogs out there.

Be sure to read the whole thing.

Video is HERE.

Playboy Magazine in…wait for it…in braille. Once you get done shaking your head in disbelief, go check it out and the rest of the Banterist’s site.

Maybe some people really do read it just for the articles.

Naaaaaahhhhhhhh.

Once again the Christmas season is upon us. This is the time of the year that many of us look forward to above all others. A time for giving and singing and celebrating. A time to be spent with close friends and family. However, this can be a very difficult time of the year for those who are less fortunate than ourselves.

That is why I started the Adopt-A-Liberal Foundation. For about the same amount of money you would spend a month on ammunition or to buy Ann Coulter’s latest book, you can make a huge difference in the life of a liberal.

Here’s how it works. ..

You will want to read the rest on your own. It is funny indeed.

as it should be.

from The Borowitz Report

October 24, 2005
U.S. FACING CRONY SHORTAGE

Not Enough Cronies to Fill Government Positions, President Warns

In a nationally televised speech last night, President George W. Bush warned the American people that the United States is facing a severe shortage of cronies and that if the crisis is not addressed there may not be enough cronies to fill key government positions.

“The shortage of cronies is a real and serious problem,” the president said in his speech from the Oval Office at the White House. “We ignore it at our peril.”

The president said that during his first five years in office he had hired so many cronies in top administration jobs that the demand for cronies had far outstripped the supply.

While some aides to the president have called for him to tap into the Strategic Crony Reserves, an old-boy network of Republican insiders warehoused in various think-tanks and lobbying groups in Washington, D.C., the president said that such a solution is “little more than a quick fix.”

“In order to avert a serious shortage going forward, we need to develop alternative sources of cronies,” Mr. Bush said.

Dr. Davis Logsdon, who has been studying the nation’s declining supply of cronies at the University of Minnesota’s Crony Research Institute, said that outsourcing some of the work normally performed by native-born cronies may be the solution to the crony shortage problem.

“The president may consider tapping into a plentiful supply of foreign cronies, specifically in the Saudi royal family,” he said.

Elsewhere, the White House revealed today that the actual nickname of Dick Cheney’s Chief of Staff Lewis Libby was not “Scooter” as originally reported, but “Leaky.”

Not the Halliburton vetted press release.

Just wrong in so many wonderful ways. That’s our [the Blogosphere's very own] Hubris. Go here. Do it now.

Cox and Forkum sum up W’s no tax and spend ways. Here’s the toon:

Be sure to read the rest of their entry at the link.

Oh man. Go read this. All of it.

VIA: Glenn Reynolds

I saw this in my San Francisco Chronicle this morning, and had thought to say something about it later today.

But then I cracked up reading Brian Tiemann’s remarks over at Peeve Farm, and I had to pass those along, as well:

Hello from the 21st century, wish you were here

Wow.Thanks a lot, Garry. I would have thought this was beneath you, but… I guess you’ve been digging for material so long, there’s nothing left down there.Y’know, I think maybe he’s just jealous of people who can do journalism and hold down day jobs at the same time. Lord knows he doesn’t meet many in the MSM.

with John Kerry Has Bush’s Number

Here is a sample:

John Kerry has the uncanny ability to predict the cointent of Bush’s speeches and rebutt them in advance. There was little point in me watching Bush spew his jingoist propaganda last night, for Big John had it all covered. He knew that Bush would defy 200 years of presidential tradition and attempt to rally the nation with “Happy Talk” in a time of war. He knew that Bush would try to make us have faith in our country and pride in the troops, despite everything democrats have taught us. And he knew he had to do something about it.

Fearful of coming off like a sore loser, yet he finding himself unable to tolerate Bush’s littany of lies, he tookpen in hand to criticize Bush’s poorly planned war. A Vietnam war hero thrice wounded in combat, he courageously expressed his disatisfaction with a war he himself supported before he was against it, and that he boldly sort of supports now.

The New York Times was, of course, hesitant to risk their reputation of objectivity by publishing a partisan hit piece. But after going over Kerry’s article with a fine-toothed comb and triple-checking all the facts, they threw caution to the wind and printed the article as a service to the American People.

Read the rest on your own.

I love this.

A-f*ing-men.

Two great posts from the indispensable Cox & Forkum:

The first is on the flag burning amendment. A gross affront to our first amendment rights:

They quote Mark Steyn:

For my own part, I believe that, if someone wishes to burn a flag, he should be free to do so. In the same way, if Democrat senators want to make speeches comparing the U.S. military to Nazis and the Khmer Rouge, they should be free to do so. It’s always useful to know what people really believe.

Amen.

The second is still still more on Kelo:

And they cite Larry Salzman and Alex Epstein writing in this article:

\
The attitude behind these seizures was epitomized by a Lancaster, CA, city attorney explaining why a 99¢ Only store should be condemned to make way for a Costco: “99 Cents produces less than $40,000 [a year] in sales taxes, and Costco was producing more than $400,000. You tell me which was more important?”

To such government officials, the fact that an individual earns a piece of property and wants to use and enjoy it, is of no importance–all that matters is “the public.” But as philosopher Ayn Rand observed, “there is no such entity as ‘the public,’ since the public is merely a number of individuals . . . .the idea that ‘the public interest’ supersedes private interests and rights can have but one meaning: that the interests and rights of some individuals take precedence over the interests and rights of others.” In the context of the Kelo case, the idea that “the public interest” trumps private property rights simply means that the desires of some individuals for property they did not earn and cannot get from others voluntarily trump the rights of those who did earn it and do not want to sell it. Why are their rights trumped? Because some gang with political pull doesn’t happen to like how these individuals are using their property.

This is unjust and un-American.

Amen again.

From Hubris

Journalist Criticizes Hostage For Insulting Former Captors, Jodie Foster Character In The Accused For Disparaging Rapists…

Go ahead. Read it all.

Heh.

On Kelo:

Writing for the majority, Hubris said that “Hubris has carefully formulated a testicle-tearing plan that he believes will produce appreciable emotional satisfaction for himself.”  He added that the proposal by the justices that the court adopt a bright-line rule that ball-stealing does not qualify as a public use is supported by neither precedent nor logic.

The ruling indicated that the right to seize testicles is crucial to eliminating the blight of shrunken old balls.

Go read the whole post here. And if you are not visiting the Mighty Hubris a few times a week to help him though his dark spells, you should, lest his untimely death by his own hand be ALL YOUR FAULT.

Heh.

Heh.

Suddenly I now see the value in this near-classic movie.

MIKE TYSON REPLACES DEAN AS DNC CHIEF

Promises to Offer More Moderate Voice as Democratic Leader

Just days after losing to Kevin McBride on Saturday night and announcing his retirement from boxing, former heavyweight champion Mike Tyson made a stunning comeback today, replacing former Vermont Governor Howard Dean as chairman of the Democratic National Committee.

Tapping Mr. Tyson for the top job at the DNC could heal wounds caused by Gov. Dean, who had ruffled feathers in recent days with his controversial remarks about Republicans.

In assuming the reins of the DNC, Mr. Tyson told reporters in Washington, “I promise to offer the moderate voice that this party has been lacking under my predecessor.”

While the selection of Mr. Tyson raised eyebrows in Democratic party circles, many called it a shrewd move, since the former heavyweight champ is expected to choose his words more carefully than the volatile Gov. Dean.

In his first press conference, Mr. Tyson gave reporters a taste of the rhetoric that would characterize his tenure as DNC chair, telling them, “I want to make Dick Cheney my bitch.”

As for President Bush, Mr. Tyson said, “I want to rip out his heart and feed it to him.”

When Davis Logden, a reporter for The Toledo Blade, asked Mr. Tyson to clarify his comment about the president, the former heavyweight champ lunged at him and bit off his ear.

Democratic insider Charlton Danziger gave Mr. Tyson a qualified thumbs up for his performance: “Biting off the ear wasn’t great, but he was still better than Dean.”

Elsewhere, the cable news networks reported that Tropical Storm Arlene generated less wind, rain and TV ratings than originally expected.

Heh.

From The Borowitz Report

By Chris Muir in Day by Day: