San Francisco _Chronicle_ columnist Jon Carroll weighs in on the San Francisco Supervisors’ USS _Iowa_ vote:
I love these people, but they drive me crazy. I had a girlfriend like that once; I think we’ve all had girlfriends like that once. Aren’t all girlfriends like that?
The San Francisco Board of Supervisors — well-meaning folks, but they make me nuts. Just this week, they rejected a plan to bring the battleship Iowa to San Francisco and turn it into a tourist attraction and museum. Why? Cecilia M. Vega of this very newspaper summed up the reasons given for the decision: “the widespread opposition to the war in Iraq, the unequal treatment of gay and lesbian enlisted men and women, and the city’s reputation as a home of the peace movement.”
The music tinkles, the picture ripples, and we take you into the near future for some more resolutions by the supes:
* The San Francisco Board of Supervisors this week voted to tear down Mission Dolores. “Indigenous American people were kept there in near slave conditions and forcibly recruited to a nonnative religion,” said Supervisor Jake McGoldrick. “We need to tear it down ancient adobe brick by ancient adobe brick.” He added: “History just sucks, and now we have a chance to do something about it.”
* The San Francisco Board of Supervisors voted unanimously to tear down Fort Point after it was brought to its attention that the fort had once had a military purpose. “The people of San Francisco do not want a part of the 19th century war machine within their city limits,” said Supervisor Ross Mirkarimi. “Researchers tell me that, at one time, guns actually protruded from those cute little holes in the side of the building. The fort should be replaced by a nice new dog run.”
* The San Francisco Board of Supervisors decided to turn the War Memorial Veterans Building, home of Herbst Theatre, into an indoor farmers’ market. “I was shocked to learn,” said Supervisor Tom Ammiano, “that some of the veterans who use this building killed foreign citizens as part of an invading army. Additionally, the armed forces in which they served virtually criminalized gay and lesbian behavior. Shame, I say, shame.
* The San Francisco Board of Supervisors this week voted to disband itself. “The board is steeped in the culture of sexism, racism and homophobia, ” said Supervisor Bevan Dufty. “For a long time, it was just a bunch of old white guys making decisions for the entire city. I feel personally soiled by being a member of this group, and ask that my colleagues to join me in ritual self-mutilation directly after the meeting.”
Yes, it’s a sick, sick city. Given the amount of bad behavior that has taken place in its various apartments and public spaces, we should probably raze the whole joint and start over. And then, because humans are imperfect and often idiotic, there’d be more sexism and racism and murder and extortion and nonmedical marijuana being sold to people who just want to get high, and .. . life is a cesspool. Let’s give up and not think about it anymore.
As usual, Carroll is poignant and funny. Treat yourself — go read the entire thing.
July 16th, 2005 | Moonbattery, SF Politics & Culture