On the other hand, what’s to celebrate, anyway? Our ecosystem is on the verge of collapse, thanks to Bush. His Big Oil Buddies are drilling in the once pristine Alaskan National Wildlife Refuge. The rotting corpses of dead CIA agents are polluting the once pristine waters of the Tigris River. Carcinogens are polluting the once pristine follicles of Jane Fonda’s hair. The ice caps are melting, Mt. St. Helens is erupting, and human fingers are springing out of our once pristine chili. The whole wyrld is going to hell in a non-biodegradable handbasket and that CHIMP doesn’t even give a damn. One would think that SElected peeResident in thiEF could find a little time in his busy schedule to come down off the mountain and celebrate an international celebration of peace and love with the little Whos of Whoville. But then again, he probably couldn’t get Pat Robertson’s permission.
One thing’s for certain: a President Ralph Nader would never have been so consumed by superstitious religious beliefs that he’d be afraid to wear flowers in his hair and dance naked amongst the sacred ferns with the Elders of the Olde Way. Then again, Ralph Nader doesn’t get his kicks pouring barrels of arsenic into our drinking supply.
My clinical depression notwithstanding, I did get up enough gumption to participate in some Earth Day activies. Every year, a bunch of us from Seattle Hemp Products like to spend the day doing something to make the world a greener place for our chemically lobotomized children – although every year Bush does his best to spoil it. Last year, we planted 30 young trees along a nearby riverbank. Overnight, Republicans crept in, gnawed down every single tree, and dragged them into the river. A week later, the entire parking lot was under a foot of water. If the destruction of just 30 trees was enough to melt the ice caps and flood our parking lot, just think of what Bush’s wholesale destruction of entire forests are doing to our precious planet.
This year, we decided to chase away our doldrums by marching to city hall on our lunch break and having a Prayer Circle for Peace. There’s a large lawn in front of the building, and we found a nice shady spot of grass unspoiled by man. But no sooner had we assumed the lotus position than a pair of undocumented landscapers began cursing at us in español.
“I think they want to mow the lawn,” said Phil from Accounting.
“Fantastic,” I spat. “Can’t we spend just one day out of the year without devastating our precious natural resources?”
go read the rest over at Blame Bush.
April 23rd, 2005 | Satire and Humor